Monday, January 23, 2017
Tuesday, August 2, 2016
How To Free Yourself From Fear of Judgement
You won’t find any video’s of kids apologizing for their horrific dance moves.
All you’ll see are naked souls set free by music. Souls that don’t yet know enough to be self-conscious.
Souls that haven’t learned to fear judgement. But then, something tragic happens. At some point we become ashamed of the nakedness of our souls and so we start to cover them up. At some point we become afraid of judgemental eyes, furtive whispers, and hostile snickers.
At some point, we lose the ability to be free in ourselves because the fear of being un-liked, unwanted, unattractive, or unworthy is too great to overcome.
We learn the rules of engagement for socialization and we start to judge and accept judgement from others.
Negative judgement is a death sentence to our self-esteem.
Better to be invisible than judged negatively by our peers.
You foster this fear every time you say ‘no’ when you really want to say ‘yes,’ because you don’t want to look like an idiot/a crazy person/silly/etc.
You nourish this fear by hiding who you are to avoid embarrassment. If you’re like most people you want to be able to walk around without fearing judgement. You want to ‘not care’ what people think, but you just can’t seem to bring yourself to do it.
You don’t feel brave enough.You believe you just weren’t blessed with that kind of DNA.
You think you aren’t that courageous. It’s hard to believe, but you don’t need to be born audacious to stop fearing judgement.
You don’t need to be exceptionally brave and courageous. You just need to make a few small changes in how you see the world and how you interact with others in it. If you want to stop enabling the fear of judgement living inside of you, read on because this article is just what the doctor ordered.
Judgements Say More About The Judge Than What’s Being Judged.
We don’t see things as they are.
We see things as we are. – Anais Nin It’s never about you. I repeat: It’s never about you. Whatever judgement is being passed on you has nothing to do with you and everything to do with the judges opinion about what you should be like. For example, think of the craziest most out-there outfit you’ve ever seen.
The kind of outfit that makes you stare and think ‘wtf is wrong with that person?!’ Now consider for a moment that there are people in the world who think it’s the most attractive getup possible. It’s a fashion phenomenon. It’s wildly fabulous! Your judgement has nothing to do with the individual you’re judging and everything to do with how you think that person should dress.
You might not know exactly what they should be wearing, but in that moment, you know what they shouldn’t be wearing.
This is exactly what happens when others judge you.When you succumb to judgement you’re saying that the judges opinion of you has more value than who you are as an individual.That is not a healthy message to be sending to your subconscious and self-esteem.
Every time you judge someone else you perpetuate the cycle of judgement.
Consider the example above. If you judge someone’s clothing, you’re going to expect others to be judging your clothing as well.
The best way to show how true this is, is for me to ask you if you commonly judge the state of someone’s metatarsal flexibility in their foot.
I’m going to assume that you don’t.
Now ask yourself if you’ve ever been afraid of the state of your metatarsal flexibility being judged. No? If we went and asked a ballerina if they commonly judge metatarsal flexibility in their peers, they’d probably say yes.Having a flexible foot is part of having good feet for ballet. It’s something they judge on their peers and, in turn, will fear judgement on. You’re only afraid of being judged on the things you find yourself judging others on.
The less you judge others, the less you’ll expect to be judged by others and the freer you’ll feel.
The Difference Between Moral Judgement and Character Judgement The principles above apply to all kinds of judgement. They apply to judging someone’s cultural beliefs and ‘norms’ as well as judging someone’s morality and ethical behavior.
While abstaining judging someone’s personal character can lead you peace, abstaining from making judgements on morals is irresponsible and cowardly.
You are no such coward. You allow people the freedom to be individuals, but you don’t allow people the freedom to do what they want regardless of the consequences to other’s. It’s within your right (and obligation), to judge stealing as wrong. If you wanted to feel better about stealing yourself, you could refrain from judging, but that doesn’t make your actions any less wrong as well.
Replace judgement with curiosity.
So if you’re going to stop judging people, what are you going to do when you see something out of the ordinary? Do you block the thought? Hit yourself in the face so you can’t think about it? Walk away calmly but quickly? The best way to eliminate a habit is to replace the bad habit with a better habit. I suggest replacing judgement with curiosity.
The moment I started doing this, the moment I started choosing acceptance over rejection, is the moment I began to feel like I was free to be me. If you think about it, what’s normal to you is really just what’s commonplace. It’s what’s expected, predictable, boring.
When you see something ‘abnormal’ or uncommon, you judge because it doesn’t fit into your view of the world.
The best way to stop judging is to make it less ‘foreign’ so it can fit into your world view.
The only way to do that is to learn about it, and the only way to learn is to be curious.
So next time you see someone sporting a live chicken on their head for a hat, don’t stop your thought process at ‘that’s weird.’
Continue on and marvel at how strange and new that is to you.
Think about how interesting the reason behind the chicken hat must be, and vow to find out what kind of cultural norm this is.
Learn about it, be curious, carve a space out in your world for this new information. Give space to other’s to be who they are, and you will receive ample space in return.
Fighting Fear Of What Other People Think About You.
Human beings are social animals, so it’s normal to want to be accepted and approved of by other people. If you have low self-esteem, however, you probably put too much importance on other people’s opinions of you.
You may believe that you’re only worthwhile if you can please all the people all of the time. That’s just never going to happen.
Happily, you can develop robust healthy self-esteem and care about what others may think without deciding that you must have constant approval in order to feel good about yourself.
Try remembering these three key points to fight your fear of being judged negatively by others: You’re an individual and so is everyone else. It’s not possible to be a firm favourite of everyone you encounter.
You probably like some people more than others for a host of different reasons.
Allow others to decide how they feel about you too.
Being thought of badly by someone isn’t fatal. There’s no denying that other people’s negative opinions of you can be hurtful: It’s unpleasant to find out that someone doesn’t think you’re his or her cup of tea.
It can be painful to get a lukewarm reception from people you want to impress, and it stings to be rejected by someone you really like. Fortunately, negative opinions won’t kill you or fatally wound your self-esteem. It’s your opinion of yourself that matters most.
If you try to please others all of the time your own unique personality never gets a chance to shine.
Isn’t it preferable for others to like you for who you really are instead of because you always agree with them and bend over backwards to impress them?
Take the risk of allowing others to get to know the real you, warts and all.
Friday, July 29, 2016
Kofi Adjorlolo's Wife-to-be Stuns In Bikini Shoot
Actress Victoria Lebene Mekpah is Veteran actor Kofi Adjorlolo wife to be.
Mekpah, was one of Ghana’s representatives at the 2014 Next Movie Star reality show in Nigeria.
Victoria holds a Human Resource Management Degree from Zenith University and claims she developed the passion for acting during her time in school and hopes to take her career to the world stage.
Wednesday, July 27, 2016
15 Health Benefits Of Eating Apples
Many of us forget that sometimes, the simplest answers are the best.
Better health could be as easy as reaching for the fruit bowl for some apples next time you need a snack.
What makes apples so great? In 2004, USDA scientists investigated over 100 foods to measure their antioxidant concentration per serving size.
Two apples Red Delicious and Granny Smith’s ranked 12th and 13th respectively.
Antioxidants are disease-fighting compounds. Scientists believe these compounds help prevent and repair oxidation damage that happens during normal cell activity.
Apples are also full of a fibre called pectin a medium-sized apple contains about 4 grams of fibre.
Pectin is classed as a soluble, fermentable and viscous fibre, a combination that gives it a huge list of health benefits.
1. Get whiter, healthier teeth An apple won’t replace your toothbrush, but biting and chewing an apple stimulates the production of saliva in your mouth, reducing tooth decay by lowering the levels of bacteria.
2. Avoid Alzheimer’s A new study performed on mice shows that drinking apple juice could keep Alzheimer’s away and fight the effects of aging on the brain.
Mice in the study that were fed an apple-enhanced diet showed higher levels of the neurotransmitter acetyl choline and did better in maze tests than those on a regular diet.
3. Protect against Parkinson’s Research has shown that people who eat fruits and other high-fibre foods gain a certain amount of protection against Parkinson’s, a disease characterized by a breakdown of the brain’s dopamine-producing nerve cells.
Scientists have linked this to the free radical-fighting power of the antioxidants contained therein.
4. Curb all sorts of cancers Scientists from the American Association for Cancer Research, among others, agree that the consumption of flavonols-rich apples could help reduce your risk of developing pancreatic cancer by up to 23 per cent.
Researchers at Cornell University have identified several compounds triterpenoids in apple peel that have potent anti-growth activities against cancer cells in the liver, colon and breast.
Their earlier research found that extracts from whole apples can reduce the number and size of mammary tumours in rats. Meanwhile, the National Cancer Institute in the U.S. has recommended a high fibre intake to reduce the risk of Colo recital cancer.
5. Decrease your risk of diabetes Women who eat at least one apple a day are 28 percent less likely to develop type 2 diabetes than those who don’t eat apples.
Apples are loaded with soluble fibre, the key to blunting blood sugar swings.
6. Reduce cholesterol The soluble fibre found in apples binds with fats in the intestine, which translates into lower cholesterol levels and a healthier you.
7. Get a healthier heart An extensive body of research has linked high soluble fibre intake with a slower buildup of cholesterol-rich plaque in your arteries.
The phenolic compound found in apple skins also prevents the cholesterol that gets into your system from solidifying on your artery walls. When plaque builds inside your arteries, it reduces blood flow to your heart, leading to coronary artery disease.
8. Prevent gallstones Gallstones form when there’s too much cholesterol in your bile for it to remain as a liquid, so it solidifies.
They are particularly prevalent in the obese. To prevent gallstones, doctors recommend a diet high in fibre to help you control your weight and cholesterol levels.
9. Beat diarrhea and constipation Whether you can’t go to the bathroom or you just can’t stop, fibre found in apples can help.
Fibre can either pull water out of your colon to keep things moving along when you’re backed up, or absorb excess water from your stool to slow your bowels down.
10. Neutralize irritable bowel syndrome Irritable bowel syndrome is characterized by constipation, diarrhea, and abdominal pain and bloating.
To control these symptoms doctors recommend staying away from dairy and fatty foods while including a high intake of fibre in your diet.
11. Avert hemorrhoids Hemorrhoids are a swollen vein in the anal canal and while not life threatening, these veins can be very painful. They are caused by too much pressure in the pelvic and rectal areas. Part and parcel with controlling constipation, fibre can prevent you from straining too much when going to the bathroom and thereby help alleviate hemorrhoids.
12. Control your weight Many health problems are associated with being overweight, among them heart disease, stroke, high blood pressure, type 2 diabetes and sleep apnea.
To manage your weight and improve your overall health, doctors recommend a diet rich in fibre. Foods high in fibre will fill you up without costing you too many calories.
13. Detoxify your liver We’re constantly consuming toxins, whether it is from drinks or food, and your liver is responsible for clearing these toxins out of your body.
Many doctors are skeptical of fad detox diets, saying they have the potential to do more harm than good.
Luckily, one of the best and easiest things you can eat to help detoxify your liver is fruits like apples.
14. Boost your immune system Red apples contain an antioxidant called quercetin.
Recent studies have found that quercetin can help boost and fortify your immune system, especially when you’re stressed out.
15. Prevent cataracts Though past studies have been divided on the issue, recent long-term studies suggest that people who have a diet rich in fruits that contain antioxidants – like apples – are 10 to 15 per cent less likely to develop cataracts.
20 Signs Your Relationship Is Going Nowhere
“Men repeatedly tell women they are simple beings,” says Levine. “If he shows you or tells you who he is, then believe him.
It will save you a ton of time and energy.
How Fear Can Limit Your Career Potential
I remember coming out of college and thinking how easy my job search would be. I had an “interesting” (read: unfocused) blend of training in communications and science, and it was my belief that I could apply this in a journalism career or any science-centered business that would have me.
But no one appeared interested! After weeks of applying, the entire stack of job search responses I had received could slip into my shirt pocket.
That’s right—back then, resume replies came on postcards. And it was only the rare company that would even take the time to acknowledge the effort of submitting an application. After poring over the research, I sent out over 300 resumes via snail mail, for a return of about five or six postcards over the following weeks.
Fairly depressing! Perhaps you’ve experienced a modern e-version of this and you’re feeling the same way.
In today’s column, I’m going to address the mental side of the job search by focusing on three fears that can get in the way if you let them.
Fear of failure My thought, after experiencing wasted weeks in the library gathering information on employers, was that it was my fault. I was the oldest child in my family, and I had always felt that I was expected to succeed and provide an example for my younger siblings.
Throughout my early education, I had been told how smart I was and how successful I would be, and that “just wait” factor was constantly being reinforced. And then, quite suddenly, nothing that I did after graduation fit that picture.
The grades and the dean’s list honors didn’t matter, nor did the fact that I was a nice guy who would work hard for an employer. It seemed that I was being branded a loser in a process that I knew little about. For me, that first job search brought the onset of a deep-rooted fear: the fear of failure.
The fear of failure can be debilitating.
The first thing to remember if you are feeling like this, whether in a job search or a new position you’ve been offered, is to keep moving.
Don’t stagnate. Action—almost any type—acts like a balm on your fear. Putting a little piece of yourself into an envelope or onto a web application form can feel like a losing game. That’s why action has such a positive effect: You’re taking the ball and putting it back into your court.
Action—almost any type—acts like a balm on your fear —David Jensen My mistake at the time was to think that people were carefully reading the application materials I was sending out—my resume and intricate and time-consuming cover letters.
Just as with employers of today, I’d be surprised if one of my applications got 30 seconds of attention. It felt as if, in the process of generally applying for jobs, the whole process was somehow rigged—carefully designed to ensure that I would fail. Sure, there’s a chance for failure in everything you do. But in the job search, each method has it’s own success ratio, and there’s no worse odds than what you receive from random company applications and generalized mailings of CVs. So, if you are afraid of failing with your job applications, stop applying! That’s right.
Get off those company websites. Instead, pick up the phone, go to a meeting, buy someone a cup of coffee, and put the personal touch back into the process.
People get hired because they are liked. There’s no way for potential employers to like you if they are simply spending 20 seconds reviewing a PDF you submitted to their database.
Fear of success The flipside of the fear of failure is the fear of success. At its core, the problem is often referred to as “imposter syndrome,” as we've written about previously. It happens when you begin to doubt that you are good enough for the job you have in front of you or feel that you’ve been promoted beyond your capabilities. It’s a fear that you just don’t have the abilities that others see in you.
People who feel they are in over their heads should know that many others feel the same way.
If I asked 10 scientists to honestly share their feelings about this, I’d guess that at least five or six of them have had this feeling at one time or another in their career.
Imposter syndrome can affect people at all levels, including professors and research directors. You’re not a fraud just because you’ve earned a PhD.
You’re not in the wrong place just because you don’t feel you are worthy of the high expectations of others.
You can trounce this fear of success by sharing your concerns with those you are close to. You’ll find out how frequently this happens—and how many of the people you admire have had this same feeling. Most people who overcome this will tell you that it is due, in great part, to unrealistic notions of what it means to be competent. People in this state will finesse a publication for far too long before submitting it, or fine-tune their CV for months before getting into the job market aggressively. So don’t shoot for perfection, and accept good enough.
Fear of change There is no greater way to stagnate in your career than to resist change. “But,” you may ask, “if I’m comfortable where I am, why mess with a good thing?” For one, many scientific trainees who are comfortable in the academic world will later find themselves forced out for other kinds of permanent employment.
This “comfort zone” issue will come up again and again in your career. If you learn now how to deal with it and accept a certain amount of discomfort, you will be far ahead of your job market competition and remain that way any time that change comes into the equation. For example, fear of change could be behind your decision to wait until the last possible moment to develop a Plan B to look for a job outside of academia.
Despite the slim odds of landing a tenure-track position, there will be people who hang in there with the expectation that everything will work out. Sure sometimes it does, but often it doesn’t. That’s the purpose of a Plan B. You don’t have to give up on your life’s passion of working in cancer research, but if you have skills that apply to another kind of career choice, why not drive that Plan B along at the same time to ensure that at least you’ll see these opportunities? That’s a much better approach than not knowing your options until it’s too late. When you get further along in your career, fear of change might once again be the limiting factor for your success. Jobs will be offered to you in regions far-flung from home and family. Will you consider these, or place geographical boundaries around your career that limit your potential? This is, of course, a very personal question. But the best fit for you might lie on the other side of the world.
The person who wanted to go after cancer research in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, may find herself loving her life and career working in a research hospital in Singapore or a small community in Africa.
The gate that limits these options is only your fear of change and your own personal setting on how tightly you restrict that comfort zone.
Move ahead fearlessly For me, writing about fears like these comes right from the heart. I can look back at my career and see how I suffered the related consequences. Action was my elixir. Reading about Steve Jobs recently, I discovered that his approach was to always keep things in perspective.
In a 2005 commencement address, he described his thoughts on fear and decision-making: “Remembering that I'll be dead soon is the most important tool I've ever encountered to help me make the big choices in life. Because almost everything—all external expectations, all pride, all fear of embarrassment or failure—these things just fall away in the face of death, leaving only what is truly important.”
10 Simple Ways To Overcome Depression And Sadness
We’ve all been upset. Sadness is a totally natural emotional response to certain environmental stimuli.
Most of us have support, or systems in place to overcome sadness, reach balance, and go on to be happy as quickly as possible.
There are two groups of people that have prolonged sadness, or depression. One group consists of those that have a severe chemical imbalance, which requires a doctor, and possibly medication to treat.
This article is not geared for that group. Rather, this is directed to the people in a funk or seem stuck in a rut, those that lack the tools, know-how, and support systems to bounce them back.
In my opinion, and I’m no doctor (BA, Psychology; MS, Biomedical Science), the latter group of people are wise to seek natural treatments instead of simply medicating the symptoms.
That’s why we’re going to look at 10 ways to overcome sadness, without the happy pills.
*Set Goals.
Something special happens the moment the paper meets the pen and we write down our goals. Our brain chemistry changes, neurons fire, hormones are deployed, and we start thinking about how we can achieve those goals.
*Sleep.
Getting the right amount of sleep is healthy for our body and mind. Some argue that sleep deprivation treats depression, but I don’t buy it. I think it’s a cheap distraction that catches up to you within days.
* Get enough rest.
Exercise If you’re physically capable, try one hour of cardio (or as much as you can). If you’re tee-shirt is soaking wet, you’re standing in a puddle of your own sweat, and you can feel the endorphins pumping through your body, you did it right. Shower up and try not being happy, I dare you.
*Forgiveness.
Many times we’re making ourselves sad for no good reason at all. People have been known to keep grudges for lifetimes (most religions and nationalities keep them for generations). When you forgive, you remove this weight off your shoulders and put yourself in a position to be happier.
*Gratitude.
Many times when we complain we can cause ourselves to be sad. Complaining is just a factor of not taking into account what we’re grateful for. Sit down and make a list of 100 things you’re grateful for right now (and I dare you not to feel better).
*Sunlight.
Certain people have a disorder, in which, due to a lack of sunlight, they experience seasonal sadness. I’m somewhat affected by this in the winter when the days are shorter. That’s why it pays to grab your iPod (or your friend) and go for 30 minute walks each day and embrace the sunlight.
*Hydration.
This has always been my downfall; I don’t drink enough and chances are you don’t either. Some days I drink only 1 cup of water, and I feel horrible. When I remember, and drink 2-3 liters, I’m happy as a kitten on cat-nip, and productive as a bat out of hell.
*Friendships.
Your life force, support system, and everything that matters. It’s not hard to make friends if you put the time in. Everyone wants to be heard, appreciated, and loved. Start off by listening, appreciating and loving, and it will come back your way.
*Reading.
Take a temporary leave from reality and bury yourself in one of your favorite books. A lot of wise people have been through what you’re going through and they made it through to the other side to tell about it.
*Journal.
This could be an escape but it doesn’t have to be. You can write about fiction, and transport yourself to another world, or you can write about what’s going on, and let your thoughts carry you through to a solution.
Many great books were written by people who were, at least at the time, going through a period of pain and suffering. So what do you think? Could one or two of these get you through the rough patch you may be in today?
Turning Failure To Your Advantage
This was a difficult time personally. I was confused, frustrated, and very angry. Initially, I blamed the distributor.
Tuesday, July 26, 2016
10 Troubling Habits of Chronically Unhappy People.
Unhappiness, on the other hand, is easy to identify; you know it when you see it, and you definitely know when it’s taken ahold of you.
Unhappiness is lethal to everyone around you, just like second-hand smoke.
Happiness has much less to do with life circumstances than you might think.
A University of Illinois study found that people who earn the most (more than $10 million annually) are only a smidge happier than the average Joes and Janes who work for them.
Psychologists from the University of California who study happiness found that genetics and life circumstances only account for about 50% of a person’s happiness.